How to Talk to Your Student About Sin

It can be difficult to talk to our kids about sin and sinful behaviors we see in them. You may be find yourself asking, "How do I talk about it? What if I say the wrong thing? How do I create environments that are safe for my kids to share and be honest with me?" We get the great privilege of walking our children through their mess and mistakes. We get to help them learn from their failures, grow, and shepherd them through their most formative years. What a hard and wonderful joy! 

So how do we do it? I’m no expert, and I have certainly had my share of failures in trying to do this well. Chances are, we are not going to get it right a lot of the time. But we have a God that is bigger than our own strength, and, if we let Him, He can use even our mistakes to help lead our kids to Him.

Here are some helpful things I have learned over the years to help guide your conversations. 

Keep Talking

We can’t expect to have a single conversation one time about a topic with our kids and then be set for the rest of their lives. It takes ongoing, intentional conversations over time. Each conversation, big or small, matters. Don't start with a big lesson plan or calling out sin in the moment you see it, necessarily. Instead, have purposeful conversations in everyday moments. Then, use those normal conversations and events to teach a theology of sin, grace, and forgiveness. Think of Deuteronomy 6:6-7, "These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”  

Model Vulnerability

As with much of parenting, most things are caught, not taught. Taking time to share (appropriately) your own experiences, shortcomings, sins, and failures can help your kids feel safe to talk about their own struggles. Remember, we are all (kids and parents) in need of grace and love. When you share what’s going on in your life, you create a safe environment for your kids to do the same. 

Don’t only model sharing; model repentance. Make sure they hear you say I’m sorry when you make mistakes, raise your voice, or act outside of God’s desire. Talk about lessons you have learned over the years. Romans 2:4 reminds us that God’s kindness leads to repentance. And so is the same with our kids. Be kind and reinforce God's grace and forgiveness in our sin and mess. As James 1:19 tells us, "be slow to anger" and quick to listen. Be approachable, and focus on communicating forgiveness, love, and God’s grace and truth. 

Listen more than you talk. Ask open-ended questions about their feelings, challenges, and understanding of right and wrong. Hear their perspective without immediately correcting or lecturing, then guide as the Lord gives you wisdom always pointing them back to Scripture and what God says is true about sin, grace, and forgiveness.  

Choose the Right Time and Place

I often find that car rides, bedtime, or doing something together leads to deeper conversations than a formal sit-down talk. Everyday moments feel more natural and help break down discomfort. Even with my 15-year-old, some of our best conversations happen in the car. Be focused during those times, even if it means preparing a little before you jump in the car to take them to and from school. 

If there is an occasion where a more serious conversation needs to happen, think about the right environment. Will people be walking through the room? Are there distractions present? Is this time of day the best? Ask yourself what would make the physical environment seem safe and as comfortable as it can be. These will help make conversations easier to navigate.  

Most Importantly, It's About the Heart

All throughout Scripture we see how God is in the business of changing hearts, not merely actions. 1 Samuel 16:7 says, "The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”  He is about transformation. God is after our hearts.

This isn’t about behavior modification, it’s about heart transformation (and only God can do that).  He doesn’t want us to simply stop doing things that go against His design and will; He wants a relationship with us. He wants us to abide in Him, pursue life with Him, and walk in the Spirit. 

This relationship with God needs to be modeled in parents first. If we, as parents, are not connected to Him—abiding, seeking, and depending on Him—how can we expect to shepherd our kids toward Him? God must be our source. Allow Him to stir your affection for Him, convict you of sin, and give you wisdom as you walk in this parenting role. As John 15 says, "Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me. I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If you do not remain in me, you are like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” 

Then, celebrate when you see fruit in their lives. Celebrate when they make hard, but good, choices. Celebrate when you see God at work in them. What we celebrate is often what gets replicated.  

Finally, Pray

Pray and ask God to convict your kids of sin. Remember, we are not the Holy Spirit. We have the privilege of guiding and leading our children, but ultimately, they are His. Pray that God would draw them to Himself and stir their affection for Him. Pray for wisdom and opportunity. And don’t just pray for them, pray over them. When they’re struggling with a decision or unsure of direction, let them know you’re praying for them. Ask to pray over them in the car before school or at bedtime. James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” God is the one who gives us wisdom and strength.  

A Prayer for the Next Generation

My prayer is that as we help lead the next generation, they would understand:

It's never too late to start having these conversations or to begin modeling these things for your kids. We are praying for your kids and your families. It’s a privilege and a joy to walk along side you.