The Friendship We Need to Recover

I think the church needs to recover something Jesus modeled: spiritual friendship. By that, I  mean a relationship where people help each other pay attention to God and care for each  other’s souls.

Jesus told His disciples, “I have called you friends” (John 15:15). He didn’t call them friends  because they were useful to Him. He loved them, knew them, and invited them close.

It’s more than having things in common, talking at church, or even talking about God. A spiritual  friend knows what you’re carrying. They notice when something is off. They can tell you the  truth, pray for you specifically, and stay when life becomes inconvenient. We all need people  who know us beyond what we can offer them.  

Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John  15:13). Just hours later, He would do exactly that. The love He calls us to give is the love He  gives us first.  

Friendships like that rarely appear fully formed. They grow through repeated, trustworthy  presence. Here are five ways to build them:  

1. Show up consistently. Share meals, serve together, and check in. Ordinary repetition  makes room for trust.  
2. Share one layer deeper. Offer something honest about what you’re carrying. Let  vulnerability gr ow as trust grows.  
3. Ask about the soul. Move beyond “How are things?” to questions like: Where are you  experiencing God? What is wearing you down? What are you avoiding? How can I pray?  
4. Pray specifically and follow up. Remember what they shared, pray about it, and ask  about it again. Being remembered is one of the deepest experiences of being known.  
5. Stay and tell the truth. Be present when life is hard. Encourage what is good, lovingly  name what is unhealthy, and help each other keep following Jesus.  

Jesus calls us His friends, then says, “Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12).  Spiritual friendship is something we receive from Him, learn from Him, and give to one another.  

Pay attention. Tell the truth. Pray specifically. Keep showing up.